So... this happens every year (going on year 4 now). I go from laid-back, super-relaxed, fun-to-be-around Stefany in June and July to hard-core, super-stressed, no-fun-to-be-around Mrs. Head in August. Yuck. I can actually sense the stress coming on just a few days before school starts each year--my back starts to get super-tight, my head hurts, I've got ZERO energy, all that good stuff. RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
I haven't been able to figure out if this stress is caused more by nerves or by the frustration that I never really have felt like teaching is my "thing." Hmmm.... my mom is good to remind me that the desire I have to be a mom is stronger than my desire to teach, so that "empty" feeling is somewhat normal until our little guy comes home. Thanks, mom. I always need a reminder that I'm not crazy. :)
Yesterday, this stress lead to me worrying about EVERYTHING--literally. We were at dinner with our sweet friends, the Stouts, and before I knew it, I was whining about how our baby's room is NEVER going to ready on time (hello--we have PLENTY of time) and our master bathroom was NEVER going to get re-done (like the world is going to fall apart if my bathroom walls are not repainted). Geesh!!!!!! Nate is so sweet, he just kinda laughed and reminded me that it's all going to be ok--I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes, especially during the school year. He deserves an award for sure.
So.... all this to say, I've got to get over it. Now, I've been around long enough to know that a human being cannot just simply say, "I'm over it," and miraculously be "over it." So... I've got to surrender this to Jesus... every day, all day. I know that He alone can replace my stress with peace. He alone can change my task-driven mindset to one of compassion and joy. He alone knows the PERFECT TIMING of our first meeting with our son and this next phase of our lives.
Whew. We're gonna make it. God, thank you for gently caring for me, even when I'm so quick to not trust you and try to handle everything on my own. Please help me to remember to hand it all to you--EVERY BIT OF IT--every day.
Thanks for listening, friends! Love you all!
3 comments:
Friend, You are so honest and I totally know how you feel. But isn't it reassuring to know that God has planned each day in advance, and YOU are where you need to be right now. Take it one day at a time and enjoy teaching, love on those students, and relax. (We can't wait to start on some projects)
i am experiencing this big time right now. i am so wrapped up in the adoption, that it has become all consuming.
i have prayed to God for help, becuase i have tried it on my own...and we all know how that turns out. every day, i see a little change and i am thankful for that.
i am sorry you are so stressed out! i bet a couple of referrals would relieve some stress (i know it would me)!!
~angie
I am with you on that blog! Man, I wrote this blog about how excited i was and blessed with my job and then i went through this week, the first week back....i honestly came home and asked if i could just get pregnant now, but then realized that wouldn't even help (and it would be for the wrong reasons). my class is NOT my class last year, that is putting it nicely. i just keep telling myself it was the first week and the positive thing is that i have AWESOME girls for the most part. So, we shall see. I love you!
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