My brain hurts. Or, maybe "hurts" isn't the right word. I just feel foggy. Yes, that's it. Foggy.
I've noticed that in the last few months, my ability to focus has decreased drastically. I used to love to read, for example. I could curl up on the couch for hours reading, soaking up every letter, every word, loving every single second of it! Now, I'm lucky to make it through 2 verses in my Bible without losing focus. In fact, if I'm not careful, I will completely lose track of what I've intended to do (read Scripture and listen to what God has to say to me...) and end up with a 10-item to-do list running through my head, or even worse, have come up with 5 different possible endings to the final season of LOST! Geesh!
For now, I'm clinging to the hope that this is a phase. I've made up a title for this phase of my life. It is called the "I have a 16 month old and he is zapping me of all ability to focus" phase. :)
While I'm missing my old-studious self a little, I wouldn't exchange it for being a frazzled mom, not for the world. I absolutely LOVE this role that God has given me right now, the gift of getting to pour into Jordan every single day, every single moment, helping him to learn and grow and getting to teach him about the love of Jesus. Absolutely the coolest job I've ever had.
So, as nap time rolls around, and my ability to focus dwindles, I am thankful for the one verse that I was able to hear today... I am thankful for God's grace in helping me to capture this truth for today and share it with you all...
"Be imitators of God. As dearly loved children, live a life of love." (Eph. 5)
So simple, and so powerful.
And, now having a glimmer of understanding "dearly loved children" from a fuzzy-brained mommy's perspective, I can only imagine God's great love for us. Such an amazing God we get to trust and enjoy forever.
May we live a life of love today, however that looks for each of us.
3 comments:
I can so relate and was talking to a friend the other day about the upsides of Mommy brain:
1) you can't over-analyze well and therefore are less opinionated
2) my prescription for Mommy brain is sometimes to recite something familiar, because I don't have the focus to do anything else... like the Lord's prayer over and over and suddenly a new snippet of it has meaning for a particular moment or day.
3) Lack of focus= relating well to my preschool children.
4) Lack of focus makes me appreciate other people's ability to focus more so I'm more encouraging and affirming.
5) Lack of focus on what I think is important leaves room for God to show me other important things- like naming types of birds and trees He created with my kids, like asking "what if" questions, like wondering out loud about Him and lots more.
So I say Huzzah! for the years of fuzzy mommy brain because of the space it actually frees up.
My question is, when or does it ever go away?
I hear ya on this one, Stef. I feel like I constantly have fuzzy momma brain! I also am going to bed at around 10:30pm every night because I just can't keep my eyes open any longer. So it seems I am so much less productive than I used to be, but I realize that's just where we're at.
A wise friend of mine who stayed home w/ her two kids once shared with me that we have to release feelings of "obligation" to have quiet times that are long stretches of time every day to read our Bible, or whatever we hoped it would be. (I struggled with that BEFORE I had a kid, so why would I think I'd be able to focus after I had one? ha.)
She said we just have to use these years in our life to focus more on prayer - we can be in constant conversation with God during our day, even when we can't focus long enough to read a verse! She really validated that this part of our journey by necessity will be different than other stages because of the demands of our children, and to not get bogged down in guilt. Instead take advantage of learning to talk to God all day every day, even about the little things. Maybe we can learn something about daily trust in the Lord, freedom and simplicity in those times. :)
thank you, friends. both of you TOTALLY GET IT. :) thanks for the encouragement and peace of mind to know that it's okay that when jordan goes down for a nap, i don't have to be super woman and memorize a chapter of the Bible. i can just BE. breathe. rest. pray. just BE. thank you. :)
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