If I will just listen . . .

It's 8:27pm, and I'm curled up in my bed.  This should tell you something.

All day long I have been feeling just plain down, to be honest.  Tired, cranky, yucky to my tummy--just plain down.

It's cold and windy and spitting rain--of course not snow.

My students are SUPER crazy with Christmas around the corner.

I'm feeling fat (which I'm sure has nothing to do with all the holiday sweets I've been consuming lately and my lack of activity from about 4pm-bedtime).

Have I mentioned it's not snowing?

So . . . after going through the motions for much of the day, I finally gave up and came home from what I had planned for the evening.  I crawled into my pajamas and then into bed, and now here I am.  

Only something has changed.

God spoke to me.  

Now, nothing cooky . . . no voice, no random "light" appeared above my bed.  But, God definitely spoke to me.  

And here's the crazy thing . . . I think He was probably speaking to me all day long, if I would have just stopped being cranky long enough to listen.

This is what He said.

"Stefany, who has ever known my mind?  Who has ever given me counsel?  Who has ever given me something that I should repay him?"  (Romans 11)

Gulp.

After a long, tiresome day of feeling sorry for myself, God (in His booming-yet-gentle-voice-kind-of-way) just put everything in perspective.  I heard He's pretty good at that.

I do not "deserve" anything.

The air I am breathing today is even a gift from Him.

If God played "fair," I wouldn't have a chance.

But He doesn't.

He lives out grace.

And His grace is more than enough for each day.

More than enough. 

Anything else is above and beyond.

An "easy" job.

A tummy that feels good.

A referral.

Whew.  I feel much lighter (not physically--still feeling those peanut butter candies from earlier, but you know what I mean).  

So, why don't I stop more often and listen?

Why do I make this so hard?