So.... time for me to put into writing what temper tantrums at our house (and in public) look like right now in the world of Jordan Bezuneh Head.
Why should I write about something so yucky, you ask?
Well... I'm pretty sure I'm not in this alone, and perhaps, just maybe, this post will encourage someone . . . somewhere . . . as well as spark some conversation that will help us all out! :)
What a temper tantrum looks like for the J-man
"Mommy, I want to watch Buzz Lightyear."
"Not right now, Jordan."
CUE LOUD, OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING AND STOMPING OF THE FEET. (Usually lasts 30 seconds-2 minutes tops.)
***Public example of temper tantrum:
"Mommy, I want to a cookie please."
"Son, you first need to eat your sandwich before you can have a cookie."
"But I want a cookie PLEASE!!!!"
"Jordan, you may not have a cookie unless you first eat your sandwich."
CUE LOUD, OBNOXIOUS SCREAMING AND STOMPING OF THE FEET. (It may just be me, but the screaming seems to be MUCH louder when we are in public. Hmm....)
Consequences that are NOT working with Jordan & Temper Tantrums (remember all of our children will respond differently to consequences)
*Immediately addressing the tantrum with a stern, "No sir," or "If you choose to respond that way when Mommy says no, you will go to time out (or get a spanking... depending on the severity of the tantrum). Immediately addressing the tantrum always causes the tantrum to get WORSE, LOUDER, AND MUCH LONGER.
*Trying to reason with the child in ANY form or fashion. For example, it does NOT work to say to him as he's throwing a temper tantrum, "Jordan, if mommy let you eat a cookie first before your sandwich, you wouldn't really get the nutrients you need, and then in 1 hour you will be hungry again... blah, blah, blah." Jordan doesn't care about nutrients. Duh.
Consequences that are KIND OF working with Jordan and Temper Tantrums
*If we are at HOME, and Jordan begins to throw a temper tantrum, I leave the room and go about my business, letting him carry on his tantrum for no longer than 2 minutes. (Don't worry, I make sure he is nowhere that could be harmful to him or anyone else.) If the tantrum is still going on after 2 minutes (this is VERY RARE for Jordan) then I say to him, "You have had plenty of time to be upset and sad. I will give you 30 more seconds to be sad, and then you need to move on and find something else to do." This works 75% of the time. The other 25% of the time, Jordan ends up in time out.
*If we are in PUBLIC and Jordan begins to throw a temper tantrum, my goal is ALWAYS to remove him from the situation. For example, at the mall yesterday, Jordan began to throw a temper tantrum as Nate and I were attempting to finish up our lunch and Jordan was already finished and ready to go to the play area. I gave him the option of either sitting next to Daddy and playing with his new Chick-Fil-A toy, or getting down and checking out the TV screen that was about 2 feet away from us in the middle of the food court. Jordan's choice was to SCREAM AND STOMP HIS FEET WILDLY. So.... because Nate was there with me and could hold down the fort, I swooped up my son and took him directly to the restroom, where I explained his behavior and how he had earned a spanking.
(Now, if Nate is NOT with me, I cannot leave quite as swiftly, but I can still leave. The screaming and stomping may last a bit longer, but it's amazing how quickly I can gather my belongings and bolt... maybe to the nearest restroom, maybe to our car, but either way, the point is to CALMLY remove Jordan from the privelage of getting to do whatever he wants to do and get all the attention. :)
Consequence that I plan to start TOMORROW. :)
*If we are at home, and Jordan begins to throw a temper tantrum, I am going to explain to him (very briefly) that his behavior is too loud and destructive for our home. He will need to finish his tantrum in his bedroom. I will then escort him to his room, and close the door. (No worries... nothing harmful in his room. Promise.) Then, once his crying stops, I will then go and talk to him about his behavior and invite him to join me again. We shall see....
In conclusion....
* ALL KIDS ARE DIFFERENT. Your child may respond horribly to all of the above. Who knows? Your child may not even attempt temper tantrums??? Just wanted to start the conversation at least....
* This is indeed a PHASE, but I am daily having to remind myself that this "phase" is a lifelong learning lesson. Jordan will NOT always get "his way," whether that be when he's in middle school, college, or a dad himself one day. Therefore, I need to take this "phase" very seriously and be as consistent as I can for the time being.
* Lastly, I love my Jordan Bezuneh Head. Temper tantrums and all. I really. really. really. do. :)
5 comments:
You are an amazing mommy! Proud of you for being so consistent! That will pay dividends in the long run--I promise! Love you!
You're dong an amazing job lovely lady. I was just thinking about our trip to San Antonio the other day... with fondness of course. You are absolutely right to know that what works with some kids doesn't work with others, and what works this week with Jordan, may stop working in 6 weeks and you'll need to problem solve yet again. The important things are to be consistent, patient, reflective and willing to try new things. You do all of these things.
I also learned with babies 2 and 3 (since bolting for the car becomes infinitely more difficult) that an ounce of prevention... how does that go? Pound of cure maybe? Anyway, for example, to avoid the checkout line tantrum that I KNEW would happen when I refused to buy a candy bar etc., I brought boxes of raisins to reserve ONLY for checkout line time. They are small and take time to carefully pick out of the box. This worked well for a while. Stuff like that. And at home, intentionally ignoring them worked pretty well, but gets messy when an older brother becomes a part of the audience too. Then you have to talk to siblings about how we don't pay attention to ___ right now. He's ok, just frustrated. Our words to tantrum thrower and siblings were often, "It's hard being 2 (or 3) sometimes isn't it."
Keep up the good work momma! I agree with your mom that being consistent pays off! You are doing the tough work of parenting a toddler/preschooler and growing a baby. You rock!
Okay thank you for this post! We are right there with you. I have tried everything and still have not found the one that will work magic - ha! I can't imagine sweet little Jordan throwing a tantrum.
Loved the post. I know we'll be there before we know it and hearing what others have done is great, thanks!!
Post a Comment